You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
