I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
