just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
