Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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