She's JV to your varsity
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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