Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
