best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
