he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
