making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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