And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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