part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
