"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
