omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
