I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
