Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
