PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
