Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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