i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
