Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
