I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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