Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
