You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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