Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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