I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
