I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
