I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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