i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
