Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
