we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
