it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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