im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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