I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
