i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My dick has a subreddit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
