I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize