I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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