I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
