you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
is that a dick in a sweater?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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