Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize