Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize