why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize