you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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