I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
