What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
