3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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