The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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