i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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