then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
