people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
