I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
