i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so let's talk penis.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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