he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
