Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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