When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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