please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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