and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
