get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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