i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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