allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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