You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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