I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
