She said her name was "party"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
