My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
