i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
