my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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