What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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