If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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