Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
